whats it matter? its my reality...not yours

and you know i moved up here to ky expecting a happy fulfilled life. dont get me weong i woudnt changei t for anyyhiting but sometimes i just want to run break fee and never look back at least for a while. (words might be messed up but its like almost 3am) it sux blaine does everythin he can for me but at the same time he thows it u in my face. this is all his fault im starting to resent him and thats not fair to him, hes makin my heart hurt. he says he works and that why he is grumpy an \d tired....well hello you no what i may not have a job that i go to 8hrs a day well i have a 24 hrs a day 7 days a week job. im a mother andi wuold not change that for anyhting. i miss feeling like i meant something to him like he loved me. i miss being happy when he got home and counting dow the min with emmyjoe till her daddy gt home. and now well theres nothing. now all i wait for is what this fight is goingto be about...i understand when he word\ks it wears him down it physcaly wears him down and hurt him. i miss the happyness the feeling that yes he is home he is with me. now theres nothing. dont get me wrong i love him i relly do buti just can keep living like this,(im not leaving...never will). i try to talk to him and it does nothing. maybe ill have him read this. it will prolly upset him but anyone that knows me knows i cant talk i have to write. je is a great guy but i miss that felling. not that new love feeling either just thehappy to see him happy to talk to him i think going and seeing my mom will ne good, it will give me a chance to miss him to see if he misses me. i loveh im so much and i dont knowwhat to do....